Feelings, Fighting, and Fiber
We mourn the folks we have lost and we avenge the joy they were denied here. And we like consistent bowel moments lol
The light grasp that we have on this life is so heavy, and I resent the people, places, and things that insert unnecessary suffering on people. There is so much going on that is out of our control. Today, as I sit in my sadness about the loss of a coworker and friend, Chass, my salt is like the salt in a can of chicken noodle soup from 1999. Doom scrolling through twitter hasn’t helped. I watch the bravery of Ukrainian resistance with the frustration that we should be past enacting violence on each other as a species. Unfortunately, I have found something more lasting and impactful than a sunflower curse from a Ukrainian grandmother. That’s right folks …Let’s give an applause for the cockroach of ideologies: ANTI-BLACKNESS. I watch people, fleeing their homes because other people feel entitled to tell them who they can be and what they are worth, magically have time and energy to snatch African and Caribbean students off of trains, hold them at gun point at checkpoints, leave them of the side of the highway, and make sure that even unfair suffering is a color coded experience.
I watch people on the news talk about how this conflict shouldn’t be happening in “civilized” Europe. CIVILIZED? A continent who’s greatest hits include but not limited too; castrating Kenyans with screw drivers, cutting hands off of Zimbabwean children, starving Indigenous children to death, multiple genocides, feeding enslaved African children to alligators, EATING mummies and enslaved folks, and FUCKING, yes coitus, LLAMAS. Everyone didn’t grow up with a Black mama who said “When you leave this house, don’t act like you don’t have any sense”, and it shows in one glance at a history book. Literally any history book, even the trash ones with the Daughters of the Confederacy filter that we enjoy in the USA. Cyd, what does this have to do with coffee? If you follow the trail of some of the world’s most horrific atrocities, you’ll find some of the world’s best coffees.
How many good choices, that are universal needs, have been denied to people by people without good options themselves? How many times have we itched to put our feet on the nearest vulnerable neck to distract ourself from the tread marks on our own? I’m 150 percent sure that Chass would still be here if they weren’t Black and Queer. I’m 150 percent sure all of the family members that I have buried would have not been gone so soon if the world hadn’t hoarded all the good choices for a select few. So sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, while I have the privilege to still hold on to this breath, fuck you.
According the OSHA, all that bitterness is a hazard to bring to the workplace. They didn’t really say that, but it is kind of sort of implied. So thank you for catching a bit of my darkness. Let's have some words of encouragement. Chass was an entrepreneur, and I am too. I feel even more responsible to end the haunting of my dreams, because this breath is a privilege. A lot of people could get better choices, If I showed up as my best self and built on that. I cannot change the world, but I can share how interacting with people like Chass, My uncle Kevin, and other amazingly talented, beautiful people, have changed me. See the absence of hope is not fear, rage, vengeance, or sadness. The absence of hope is apathy. Entirely too many folks invested in my today, for me to give the hateful my tomorrow.
I have a fake lake around my apartment complex. It’s not as cute as it could be, but you know what? Herons still come to the fake lake. It’s not ideal, not as many fish are available, and yet the beauty of nature will show up. In true Black gospel tradition, I feel a message in there. Whether the water is from a fake lake or a natural wonder, in its reflection the heron is a bad bitch (majestic lol) . So are you, beloved.
Recipe
When the world feels full of shit, use this recipe to clear it out. I call this the Grandpappy.
Recipe
100 ml of Cold Brew Concentrate
25 ml of Prune Juice
1 can of the Sparkling Water of your choice
A splash of lime juice
Get you a travel mug or jar of choice, pour it in, and go for a walk. If it is safe for you, go outside and feel the heat of the sun. Touch grass, and give thanks for the ones before us who did the surviving, striving, and thriving to give us the best available in some of the worst conditions. The first step is recognizing the walls that keep you in, the next step is to climb them bitches.
Oh, and tip your sad and salty barista bestie.
Venmo: Cydni-Patterson